Day 84 – Morning, White Weirdo Inn
The refreshing chirps of birds signaling the beginning of a new day, coupled with Flat Gazes also signaling the beginning of a new day. Yep, just another typical morning.
Getting scolded under the dazzling morning sun, yeah, today’s a good day too.
「I mean, come on, that was literally the only opening I had to get through to Leather Suit-san! So those thread-thin tentacles slipped in all swish-swish and crawled around all squirmy-squirmy, tangling and twisting until they went full mega-mushroom and busted inside for a full-on extract-insert infiltration mission like it was Mission: Impossible, was sort of impossible to avoid, right? It’s not like I’m the one at fault here, you know?」
Well… what happened after that was… just Highschool Boy. As if a raging torrent known as Highschool Boy was unleashed in a tidal wave of uncontainable Highschool Boyness crashing in full force, so it couldn’t be helped. Yeah, Highschool Boy. Probably, still?
While still getting scolded, I head down to the dining hall, everyone’s already here. Are they that hungry?
「「「Good moooorning.」」」
「Good morning? Were you just that hungry for breakfast? Well, it’ll be ready in a moment. Up we go~」
I start lining up breakfast, plenty of meat and fish for the growing Orphans, but the people who complain every night about going over their daily calories and going One More Set show absolutely no hesitation when it comes to second helpings, demolishing a mountain of diced steak I’d set aside for refills. The Idiots, who’d normally stuff everything into a bucket are holding back a little, probably because the girls in skin-tight spats are making them blend with the air. Like, the Geeks long since became just a part of the scenery?
A presence, someone approaching from outside. Everyone, without thinking, checks their weapons and gear. But, it’s just Aide-san, isn’t it? From the lord’s mansion?
「Forgive me for coming so early. There’s an urgent situation, please hear me out. It’s about…」
I fly.Kicking off the air and soaring into the sky, rising toward the heavens. To think the Royal Girl… I had every contingency in place. I thought it was safe. I underestimated just how much of an idiot that Royal Girl really is. She must’ve heard something from Armored Pres-san and the others. About the secret of the Fake Dungeon.
Using 『Gravity』 to nearly nullify my body weight, I sprint through the air, wrapping myself in Wind Magic for acceleration, chaining it into 『Teleportation』 cloaking it all in『Magic Wrap』 as I tear through the sky at full speed, aiming straight for the Muri-Muri Castle. No way… the Royal Girl…What the hell am I supposed to tell Maid Girl now?
「No, seriously, there’s no way that was my fault, right? I mean, I put safety measures in place, why would anyone go and disable the safety features just to jump straight into a trap? And not even like jump into a trap, but more like leap straight into it with full intention? At that point, you totally can’t blame me! I rushed over at full speed and pulled her out, but by then it was already too late.That’s like, yeah, beyond help?」
「…Please forgive me. I’m sorry. Don’t be cruel to me. I’m sorry. Please don’t do anything indecent. Have mercy. I’m sorry. Don’t be cruel. Please forgive me. I’m sorry. Don’t do anything indecent. No slimy-squirmy, no wiggly-wobblies, I really can’t take it. Please forgive me. I’m sorry. Please don’t bully me. I’m sorry…」
No, not just『Beyond help』 , but more like she clearly hasn’t learned her lesson the last time, well, yeah, this one is no good. When I found her, it was already way too late. She’d been caught buck naked by the Rafflesia-san and company. With tentacles and stuff.
「Your Highness, please get a grip. Such disgraceful conduct towards a princess of the royal family, this is not only high treason, but a far greater offense! To ensnare Her Highness in slimy tentacles, melt her garments, and have them squirm all over her body, this is the ultimate sacrilege, the most heinous form of disrespect! Let’s just quarter him on the spot and rip him into pieces!」
Yeah, she was furious. As soon as the aide from the lord’s mansion explained what had happened, I knew Maid Girl would go nuclear and flew in at max speed, but I was already too late. Rafflesia-san had once again delivered a stellar performance, living up to all expectations and then some. Like, 『Wow, great work』 levels of excellence. Seems I was right to scout her for the Fake Dungeon. Unfortunately, Maid Girl’s eyes were burning with rage. Despite flying in at top speed and even crashing painfully upon arrival, I was somehow the one getting scolded again, an unreasonable, illogical, absurdly irrational injustice in progress.
She probably heard about the 『Return to Entrance Slider』 trap from the girls. That one’s a favorite of Armored Pres-san and Slime-san. Which is why the princess willingly took off her 『Staff ID card』, the item that disables dungeon traps, and threw herself into the trap near the exit.
Look, the place was once destroyed and rebuilt,『Fake Dungeon』 is now『New Fake Dungeon』 okay? The trap placements are different. That trap’s mechanics, for a guy, it dumps you into an underground river and washes you outside. For a lady, it’s Rafflesia-san’s warm welcome. And if the dungeon identifies the intruder as a commander class? Then the tentacles catch and restrain her for Rafflesia-san’s personal hospitality? That’s apparently what happened. She already fell into the naked celebration trap once and caused a huge scene, but she didn’t learn her lesson.
「No squishy-squishy, please forgive me. I’m sorry. No wiggly-wobbly torture, please. No mushy-mushy cruel stuff either. Please spare me from Slithery-san. I’m sorry. Please no naughty tentacle stuff. No mischievous touchy tentacles, please. Forgive me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…」
And yet, at this rate, I can already see the future, where I, totally innocent, get blamed yet again for something I didn’t do. Alright then. I’ll just bribe my way out, with snacks.
(Munch-Munch)
Looks like everything’s been resolved. She is eating, after all? seaʀᴄh thё NovelZone.fun website on Google to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.
「They are already making a plan for a picnic with everyone, there’s even a water slide pool waiting, so there’s really no need to go deliberately triggering traps, you know? And the armor or dress I gave you wouldn’t have corroded, so why’d you jump in wearing everyday clothes? They just melted?」
「B-but… you went through all that trouble to make them, so I didn’t want to get them dirty…」
Maybe if she’d at least worn something from the Frontier, it might’ve held up better. But no, she jumped straight into Rafflesia-san’s lair wearing regular clothes with zero effects or protection… Pretty reckless?
「Hey, Haruka-kun. Just now, well, a bit ago, I made it back. Sorry to make you go out of your way. I couldn’t figure out how to disarm the traps. …Did Shariceres-sama break again?」
「Haruka-sama, thank you again for the rare mushrooms and the high-quality armor and weapons at that time. Thanks to you, we made it in time to aid the Frontier. Truly, thank you.」
The ones greeting me at the Muri-Muri Castle are Meripapa-san and Murimuri-san. Murimuri-san’s been thanking me every time we meet ever since the ball, maybe, like the general store lady, she got hooked on the mushroom lunch boxes? I’m getting really worried about this mushroom addiction!
「And there’s something I wanted to make sure to report to you personally, Haruka-kun. One of the kingdom’s national treasures, the Mirror of Truth, was finally put to use. Every noble was made to swear anew before the mirror, and those who lied had their titles stripped. Their past deeds were then re-investigated, and corrupt nobles and high-ranking officials were formally judged and punished. The corruption has been cleared out. Let me thank you on behalf of the king. It took a while to reorganize the noble houses, but we’ve finally wrapped that up. The old kingdom from the founding tales has ended, and now the new era of royal history begins… Well, it’s going to, from now on..」
Wait, there was another national treasure!? Damn, I missed some!
With that mirror, they interrogated people and compared their words to the law. Majority was found guilty and executed. Those who were exiled had already lost their homes and property. This doesn’t make it all okay, but at least we’ve avenged the Orphans. Everyone who tormented them got what they deserved. But that’s just karmic retribution, cause and effect. It won’t undo the suffering of the Orphans, who did nothing wrong and still had to endure so much.
「Of course, even the nobles and royal family who remained were held responsible for allowing the corruption and letting the people suffer. Half their assets were confiscated and put toward building and restoring orphanages, schools, and hospitals… But, well, everyone’s kind of broke now. The king even asked if it’d be okay to repay the kingdom’s debt over the long term?」
「Oh, that? Whenever’s fine. I mean, those royal coins? You couldn’t spend them anywhere, vendors would faint from shock if you tried. They were like cursed money no one wanted to touch. Honestly, I don’t want them back. Oh, can I get seconds?」
(Nom-Nom, Nom-Nom)
Seems Royal Girl’s a crepe faction, while Maid Girl is manjuu faction. They’ve quieted down, so all’s well for now. Well, it’s her second time, so she should recover quickly enough. Still, why does she always manage to trigger the rare lewd trap no one else ever sets off? Seriously, I’m the one who ends up getting scolded, you know? It’s a problem. I’ll have to analyze the footage stored in the recording magic stones later to figure out what went wrong.
Since Dancing Girl-san is accompanying Pres and the others, there’s no urgent need to rush back. Instead, I take the chance to draw some intel out of Meripapa-san, after all, the biggest issue in the Frontier is the lack of information.
And turns out, I made a mistake, I came back too early! No, wait, that dungeon had already grown to 99 floors, so technically returning at that point was cutting it close, possibly even too late. But, the envoy who arrived in the capital just after I left turned out to be a beautiful beastkin woman with wolf ears! Damn it, I rushed back thinking, 『it’s probably just some middle-aged man』 and missed out, turns out it was a stunning kemonomimi lady.
Officially, the Kingdom was credited with helping the Beastmen Country, so this envoy was sent as a gesture of gratitude. Apparently, she was also here to discuss treaties and trade. I already warned the Party King to route all commerce through the Royal Capital Branch of the general store, so rice and soy sauce should be secure. If things go well, we might even get our hands on miso, katsuobushi, wakame, or kombu.
Also, it seems the Idiot and Geeks Squad has been formally invited. Their denial of success, their grief at arriving too late, their vow to rescue captured beastkin, their sorrow for fallen heroes, it all left an impression. But honestly, I don’t think they can handle formal events. Still, since formally it was under the kingdom’s orders, it would be problematic to refuse. Even so, the Idiots and company require discipline, I’d better ask Pres-sama to whip them into shape.
Word is that an unofficial envoy from the Confederation has shown up as well. Not from the old upper echelon, but a coalition of merchants. As detailed in the strategy guide I left behind, the plan is to exploit internal division and run dual-track diplomacy to drain the Confederation’s resources dry. But the question is, how far can we get dealing with merchants? Still, they fail this time, it really will be their end. Even the bureaucrats are going to take this seriously.
If the Confederation can’t act, then only the Theocracy remains. It’s divided internally too, but they’ve sent a formal demand for the return of the Archbishop. Naturally, the kingdom has made restitution for the Archbishop’s destructive actions a condition for his return, and yeah, it’s an absolutely extortionate demand. Because I’m the one who wrote it. Still, the Church can’t just leave a senior official imprisoned as a criminal, it would undermine their entire authority. So, if anyone’s going to move next, it’ll be the Theocracy.
And then, while inspecting and checking over the New Fake Dungeon, I spotted Merimeri-san snacking at the vending machine-type souvenir shop. Looks like Royal Girl, who fell into a trap, was abandoned?
「You’ve got it all wrong! I was checking to see if Princess Shariceres had been returned to the entrance! I was just, you know, shopping while I waited!」
Apparently she rushed to the entrance for rescue and was searching around. The red bean paste stuck to her lips tells the real story, but she hasn’t realized that yet. Poor thing. I’ll just let her be.
Anyway, time to head back. Everyone’s probably facing the 70th floor boss about now. With Armored Pres-san and the others along, they should at least be able to retreat if needed. They probably won’t push further than the 75th floor, so it shouldn’t be too dangerous. But the deeper you go, the more unpredictable it gets. Ahh… I’m probably gonna fall again, aren’t I?
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